I Don't Like Happy People

There are only two kinds of happy people:  young or stupid.  Young people are able to be happy only because, up to that point in their lives, the universe has not yet shit on their birthday cake.  It will happen eventually.  Someone will break their heart or some tragedy will befall them and then the corners of their smile won't scale quite so high and the light in their eyes will visibly dim.  If you are young and happy, just wait.  Just wait.  Stupid people can be happy because they have no fucking idea what is going on.  They are not paying attention.  If you are happy, take a closer look at the news.  Look around you.  The world is going to shit.  Where the fuck do you get off being happy?  I don't like happy people.  I can't be in the same room as them.  They make me uncomfortable.